How To Speak Your Truth and Why You Feel Like You Cannot Speak Up

Do you have a lot of pain in your throat and around your mouth? Do you feel resentment and anger towards others? Are you afraid of conflict?

In this article I’m going to share with you why we are afraid of speaking up, go into the other signs and symptoms that accompany holding in our truth, and then share with you how to move through this space.

Many of us in the world suppress our truth and don’t speak up for what we really want. I suffered from this for years many years and It took me a while to realize that I was terrified of confrontation. So much so that I joined the military and was faced with confrontation every day. But the military doesn’t teach you how to deal with confrontation effectively. It teaches you how to shut up and follow orders. You bury your fears inside you. So, you never have to confront them in the external world.

But why do we suppress our truth? Like many things in life, our childhood and the parents and family and culture form our early patterns in life.

When it comes to speaking our truth usually we are forced to swallow it in our childhood for a number of reasons.

#1 You have caretakers whose love and affection is conditional. They only give you what you need if you make them happy. In childhood, or our formative years, we learn to react in the world based off of how our parents treat us.

As a child we naturally speak the truth and declare what we need and want. However, when faced with parents who hold needs above us unconsciously we learn to suppress our truth and not speak up for what we want so we can have those other deeper needs met. For instance, if your parents only show you love and affection when they’re happy with you then you will only do things that make them happy, even if that means hurting yourself.

This is the reason why many adults act like children still, they never were afforded the chance to grow up and learn healthy patterns.

#2 Your being is threatened if you speak how you’re really feeling or communicating.

One event can ingrain a belief system into you. For instance, if your parents got mad or upset with you when you spoke up for your needs then you probably learned not to speak up for your needs. This is a repeated pattern and then when you grow up you feel like a nuisance if you ask for what you truly want. On the other hand if someone picks on you then you might not feel good standing up for yourself either. So you get bullied or people you perceive that you’re getting bullied because you’re not speaking up for what you really want. You hold it all in. And when you hold it in it naturally turns into anger and resentment.

Growing up like this also makes us afraid of confrontation.

We fear confrontation because we don’t know if that other person will leave us. For instance, if we stood up for our needs then we risked making our parents unhappy or mad. And that translates to them not loving us or caring for us or possibly leaving the relationship all together.

Confrontation, constructive confrontation that is, is a healthy and a natural way of life. Confrontation helps us to understand and define our goals, reach an agreement, and can strengthen and forge a relationship.

So next time you’re afraid of having confrontation, speak up. Even if it is uncomfortable. But do so in a healthy manner where you both have an ending goal for as to why you want to have the conflict. We look at conflict as a bad thing because we come at it the wrong way. If we come at it from the angle where we want to prove ourselves right and the other wrong then it’s going to be an endless shouting match where no one ends. On the other hand if you look at it like as a means to both get what you want, solve a problem, and build a deeper relationship then you have achieved the true purpose of conflict.

Understand and realize that when you don’t speak up for your needs then you’re doing a disservice to yourself but also to others. Other people deserve to hear the truth and what you’re really thinking and feeling. Because when you don’t speak up then they cannot transform or change either. And that’s what life is about. Change, transformation, and growth.

I’ll speak more about the nature of conflict in my next article.

Deepest Blessings and Pranamams!

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