Fear: Why We Have It and How to Get over It

Ever feel like fear is getting the best of you and you can’t move forward in your life? Do you ever feel like you’re to afraid to take the steps you KNOW you need to take but at the same time don’t want to leave where you’re at? Feeling stuck?

Fear is the most common reason as to why we’re not happy and living the type of life that we desire. And that’s the key word here….DESIRE! Your life is filled with desire. And your desires are met to be completed. Why? Because you cannot learn without desire. You cannot move or evolve without desire. Some people along the spiritual path, and I’ve fallen trap to this too, say that we shouldn’t desire anything, but I believe that this is a mask for fear. A way to tell ourselves that it is OK to not truly go after what we want.

Is it scary?

Yes!

Is it fun?

It totally can be.

Fear is normal and natural but it should never stop you. Many people allow fear to hold them back because their relationship to fear isn’t in order. Many of us want things but then our fears come up and tell us, “What will others think? What if you fail?”

Those are the two biggest in my own life. Before I started this YouTube channel I worried so much about what my family and old friends would think. I grew up in a Christian background and I always worried that my family and old friends would think I’m going down some destructive path. Even though I didn’t believe what they did I still cared about their love and approval. And that’s normal. Because we all want to be loved and recognized and feel a part of something. When we start stepping out on our own and questioning the life we’ve been given people in the community we grew up in look at us suspiciously. And we can fear that they may not love and accept us. At the same time we must make a commitment to love ourselves. When we do that the right people and situations will show up in our life.

Why do we fear?

Fear is about self-preservation. It’s a feeling that our species evolved to protect something that we feel we need. However, it is an outdated emotion.

For instance, we don’t like to separate from the beliefs of our original community because we fear of getting ousted out of the tribe. This was a necessary fear in primitive times because if you were out of the tribe you were alone and in a dangerous world. However, now there is more opportunity. You can pick up, start a new life, and create a community anywhere. The old way of thinking and feeling doesn’t match the new world we live in however at the same time the old wiring controls us.

The key to overcoming your fears is to change your relationship to them. For instance, many people are afraid to fail and get laughed at because their self worth is tied to their success, They think, “If I fail then I have no worth and value.”

So what do they do. They run around in the world like chickens with their heads cut off trying to get job promotions and make money so people think that they have value. But what if you could change your relationship to fear? What if you could look at your fears and see them as things to play with? What if you could say, “Yes, this terrifies me but let me play with reality. If I fail I fail and I get closer to my success. And who is really counting or looking at me anyway?” Don’t tie your self worth to your accomplishments. Tie your self worth to how much you fail in life because failing is a natural part of life. All failures bring you closer to success. Look at a child. They fail all the time but they are not afraid to get back up and try again. They’re doing the activity not for self worth or appreciation. For them it’s just a natural act.

I remembered when I used to be scared to talk to girls. I’d get so terrified of sharing what I truly thought and felt. I was scared of rejection and them thinking me that I was weird. It was a terrifying experience just being in the presence of a women. Then I got to a point where I said I’m not going to let this fear control me. What did I do?

I started talking to as many girls as I could. I crashed and burned a lot. I made myself look like a fool and idiot at times. Sometimes girls would laugh and walk away. But then other times they’d be mesmerized by me. But I told myself, “How can I have fun with this? How can I make this a game?”

As soon as you make something a game all the stress and anxiety that we tie around our self worth tied to winning that game falls away. We play for the sake of playing because it’s enjoyable. This is how life really works. We do something for the sake of doing it not because it is tied to our self-worth.

When we show up to our fears this way our fears seem so minuscule. They don’t matter anymore.

So if you want to get something in life, maybe it’s a relationship, maybe it’s money, and you have certain fears around it remember your relationship to it. Play a game. How can you make the acquiring of this thing about having fun? What do you have to lose…..really?

Deepest Blessings and Pranams!

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