Why Sometimes Happiness Isn't Your Choice

Have you ever seen someone who seems to smile and be happy all the time no matter what? Did you ask yourself, “How are they happy all the time and why am I not that way?”

In this article I’m going to share with you the myth of happiness and explain to you how sometimes happiness isn’t something that is in your control.

In order to first understand happiness, we have to understand need.

What is a need? A need is something that our being requires to be content or fulfilled. It is something that we cannot live without or else we will die. For instance, water is a need. Food is a need. A starbucks latte isn’t a need it’s a want. There is a difference between a need and a want and clever marketing has us thinking a lot of the times that our wants are needs when this really isn’t true. You don’t need a new phone, but you may think you do after seeing a couple of clever ads.

What does all of this have to do with happiness?

Happiness is an emotional experience. It is a temporary state of being. It’s an inner experience that is fleeting. It’s natural to desire happiness but we first have to realize that happiness is a state of being based off of how many needs you do or don’t have met at a specific time.

Many people within spiritual communities say, “You choose to be happy.” And to an extent this can be the case. However, if you aren’t being fed food physically, or you aren’t being showed true affection, care, or love, an emotional requirement needed by all humans, then you can’t and won’t be happy.

Why?

Because the feeling like you are truly being loved and cared for is a natural need for every human being. You will feel empty on the inside until you are shown this affection.

People may come up to you and say, “You must choose to be happy,” and you will want to slap them in the face because how can you be if you’re not having that need met. In order to be happy or content then you must be fulfilled. And in order to be fulfilled you have to be filled up. But if no one ever showed you tender affection and care then how can you be filled up or happy? Your being, by the very nature of having needs, cannot be because you will have parts of you that are not filled.

It can be incredibly upsetting when people tell you to cheer up or be happy and you don’t feel that way. Many of the times we want to feel a particular way but cannot. It’s important to honor your being and its feelings because they’re valid.

Life isn’t about being optimistic or pessimistic. It’s about being real and true. True to yourself and true to others around you. If you aren’t happy then dive deep into the real reason why you aren’t happy. I can guarantee you that it relates somehow to not having a need met. And sometimes we don’t even know if we aren’t having a need met.

We’ve all heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs yes. The basic principle behind this is that we cannot worry about some higher need until we have a lower need taken care of. A man who is worrying about finding his bread does not have the time to worry about his emotional being. He will beat and batter his emotional being until he gets all the food and shelter necessary to start delving into the deeper matters. In order to go into higher experiences of life you have to first meet lower needs.

And we can fluctuate between various states.

So what to do if you’re not having your being’s needs met? What to do if you don’t feel happy?

First of all write down all the basic needs that you must have fulfilled. Food, shelter, community, affection, love, and care, or understanding. Job satisfaction. A sense of purpose. Where in these areas are you lacking? If you are then write down some possible solutions that you can attain to have these things met.

Many people in the spiritual community think that we have to transcend our humanness to become something divine, and that means not worrying about the “simple” or “basic” matters of life. Nothing could be further from the truth however.

All these things do matter. You are fully divine but also fully human. Take care of your human self. Take care of your basic needs. The need for love, attention, and affection. All these things are important and necessary to your happiness and fulfillment.

Deepest Blessings and Pranamams!

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