Why we Self Sabotage: How To Fix It

Do you notice that you continue to make decisions even when you know it’s not in your best interest? Do you wonder why you keep acting against yourself? Do you suspect that you may be self-sabotaging?

In this video I’m going to share with you the reasoning behind why we tend to self-sabotage ourselves and how to stop this self-destructive behavior as soon as you can.

Self-sabotage is one of the most common forms of sabotage that we as human beings face. Many of the times it’s because our inner critic is leading the show. If you haven’t seen my video on the inner critic then check it out here. But self-sabotage is another manifestation of the inner critic, and it can keep us from living the type of life that we know we can and should be living.

Why do we self-sabotage? It seems backwards to be our own worst enemy. Like many things in life, we must go back to our original patterning. Which stems from our early experiences in childhood which determine much of how we will think in the future.

Our early programming in childhood determines much of what we think later on because our subconscious is crafted by our earliest experiences. But this doesn’t mean you’re doomed if you’ve had some bad programming experiences.

Self-sabotage is created by us. But we aren’t the only culprit. Many of the times it is an actual response to an ill-caring environment. Or it’s the opposite. We are rewarded a certain way. It all comes down to conditioning and priming.

As human beings growing up we naturally need love, attention, and affection. These are inherent needs that every human needs to be healthy and whole and live the most abundant and happy life possible. However, many of us grow up in traumatic families where our parents aren’t fully grown. How can they truly take care of us if they themselves aren’t fully yet adults? They cannot. But they do the best that they can.

We self-sabotage ourselves primarily because of the relationship that we had to our parents or our primary caregivers. As a child growing up you naturally need attention and affection. How do you get it? You act out. You may act out by crying. You may act out by being silent. There are various ways in which we attempt to draw attention to ourselves.

Some of us may act out by being overachievers. While others may act out by being underachievers and “lazy”. But if you’re self-sabotaging yourself then know that it somehow relates to receiving and getting attention and affection. Your self-sabotage is an original pattern established in childhood. I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say little Suzie grew up and her Mother wasn’t giving her enough attention. Naturally, as a human being who wants attention she tries various way to get it from her primary caregiver. She starts being really nice to her Mom but her Mom doesn’t respond. She starts being really mean to her Mom but her Mom doesn’t respond. Little Suzie is confused and her mind tries to discover more ways to get attention from her Mother. She even does really good at soccer and beats out all the other girls but still she doesn’t get attention. So she tries doing really bad and then finally her mother gives her attention. Her mother starts giving her care and comfort whenever she does really bad at soccer. Suzie, in this moment, subconsciously learns that if she is to get comfort and care from her mother then she must perform badly. This creates a reward system for her in her mind. Bad performance equals attention and support. This pattern is hardwired into her brain and now Suzie grows up with a belief that if she performs badly then she will get attention.

This is why we self-sabotage ourselves. Because we think we’re going to get something better if we fail rather then if we succeed. Much of human life comes down to winning the affection and attention of others.

Look around out the modern world. Why do people want to lose weight and be skinny? Why do people want to put on muscle? Why do people want big houses and social prestige. Because they want attention from the outside or from the opposite sex. It’s that simple. As human beings we will do everything including harming ourselves and attempting suicide just to get the attention of people. We need attention and affection if we have never adequately received it before.

So how do you solve your self-sabotage problem. It’s actually quit simpler then you think. Search back in your memory and find out when you were given something for failing or losing. Find that moment and see what you were given for falling short of the mark. Then after you figure out what you were given in that moment see if it is being fulfilled in your life currently.

If you were given love and affection for failing, then check to see right now if in your life your being given love and affection. If not, then chances are the reason why you’re self-sabotaging is because you’re not having that need met and your subconscious is saying, “If you fail then you’ll get love and attention.” Figure out a different tactic to get your need met and then when it’s met the temptation to self-sabotage won’t even arise. Because it only arises when we aren’t having our needs met.

And remember don’t go overboard with this self-sabotage thing. Some people think that if they’re on a diet to lose weight and they eat some ice cream then they’re immediately self-sabotaging. Sometimes, it just takes a little discipline and that’s it.

Deepest Blessings and Pranamams!

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