Career or Relationship......or how about how to have both!

Do you feel stuck between having a successful and happy relationship and pursuing your passion and career? Do you feel like your heart is calling you in two different directions and you don’t know which direction to take? If this is the case then I have a solution for you.

In this article I’am going to talk about one of the most common problems that all young adults face when life starts throwing at them new situations. The choice between a relationship and career. First I’am going to describe to you the dynamic of the situation, second I’am going to explain to you the reasons behind which ones you prefer and possibly why, and lastly I’am going to tell you how you can have both……. And why!

Let’s face it, life can be hard. It can be tricky, and at times it can seem to be even downright unfair. Even when it comes to following your dreams and passions it can get overwhelming.

What happens when life starts throwing at you the multiple options. You meet an amazing person, a relationship that you’ve desired for quite some time but then also life throws you a great new job opportunity.

Like anything else relationships require time. Jobs require times. And to have good relationships and to have good performance at your job you have to put time and energy.

And you only have a limited amount of energy. So how to balance the two? Is it even possible?

First we need to understand why you want the job or career that you do. Essentially, the mind wants a lot of things in life. It wants a nice house, or nice things, nice friends, nice everything. There is nothing wrong with nice things. This is completely natural. Most people want nice things and every human on this planet makes decisions because they think that what they’re doing will make them happy, either in the long run or short term. However, in order to make a decision between two things you first have to clearly understand your motives and your decision-making process.

Most people think that they want something and then they blindly go after it. They don’t even know why they want it. The why is critically important. If you cannot understand or answer the why then you don’t actually want that thing. And here’s why!

Humans want things because they think it will make them happy. And happiness is a state of being. It’s not a setup or certain scenario. Many people think to themselves, “OK, when I have x amount of money, x amount of friends, and x amount of lovers then I will be happy.” This isn’t true. You may get those things but then you will soon find yourself wanting something else because the mind is always looking for something more. It is the nature of its job.

Think back to when you were a child. Did you ever really want something for Christmas? Did you actually get it? And then what? Two weeks later you wanted something more for your birthday. That’s because your mind and being exists in a state of perpetual want.

In order to be truly fulfilled you have to go after things that will change your present state of being. Happiness is a state of being. It isn’t some imagined scenario or future. So when trying to figure out whether you want a relationship or career first ask yourself….. WHY!

Why do you want to have a successful career? Is it to make a lot of money? OK, well if you get that and you have a lot of money what will you do with that money….buy happiness. OK, maybe you want to have a successful career so you can show off to everyone in the family, including all your brothers and sisters who you were in competition with growing up that you are successful. And that you made it. Once you have that then what? What comes next?

The why is so important because when we ask ourselves why we want something we go into the reasons why we are or aren’t happy. We investigate into our state of being.

There is nothing wrong with wanting money, or wanting to impress people. Just know the deeper reasons of why you want to do those things. Maybe you want money because you never had money growing up and you want more opportunity to explore the world and have new experiences. That’s a great answer and a valid reason to go after it. Maybe you want to impress your family because you felt like they never approved of you growing up and you didn’t feel loved by them. And if you do great work and are successful then you will feel loved by them. That’s a valid reason, a kinda sad one but a valid one nonetheless.

Now let’s go after why you want a relationship. Do you want a relationship because you feel lonely and you feel if someone else comes into your life then they will satisfy that lonliness? That’s understandable. Or do you want a relationship cause your bored in life and need some excitement? That’s understandable, sad but understandable. I’d say find a new job. Either way the core issue here is all about fulfillment. Essentially, you feel like something is lacking on the inside. An excellent career or a new relationship it’s all the same. They are just external forms. What you are truly looking for is fulfillment. To feel whole and complete within yourself. The why will lead you to know why your are not feeling fulfilled. And then you go after the very things that make you fulfilled.

Lastly, ask yourself, “Why can’t I have both?”

Many people think that relationships are hard. They’re aren’t. They are only hard if you are hard because you will attract or be attracted to a person who has the same amount of shadow as you do.

If you have a lot of shadow then it will be a hard relationship and a lot of time and energy will go into it which might prevent you from making money. However, what if you first learned to clear your shadow, work on yourself, and then found a person who compliments you in ways that build you up. Relationships can add value and energy into your life. If you think they only take energy away then you have a lot of shadow work to do. You can have both, a relationship and a career. But what is most important is to ask why. What is it specifically about those things that will make you feel fulfilled on the inside. That’s what is most important. When searching for food labels don’t make the food taste better the quality of the food does. It is the same in life. The external forms whether it just be money or relationships won’t make you happy unless you address the specific qualities about those things that will make you feel fulfilled. And remember, give yourself time. You don’t have to make a million and be married before your 25. The enjoyment of life comes from taking the time to savor the sweet moments. And savoring takes time.

Deepest blessings to you!

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