Codependency

Codependency is a pattern or way of being that can be really hard to break. As most things in our lives our patterns of being, the way we think and act, can be traced back to our childhood and the first things we interact with.

These form the neuronal pathways and responses that we’ll most likely repeat until we learn to try something new or different. They are the initial pathways etched into our brain, and like water, the more we choose these paths the more the paths wear and tear.

People who grow up to be codependent or have these tendencies usually have abusive or neglectful childhoods. This is because the parent failed to see their children as independent and autonomous beings.

They couldn’t see that their children had physical and emotional needs just like the parent. The child unconsciously learns to live for the parents needs instead of the other way around. When this happens the child then grows up and is attracted to partners that allow her or him to live out that same role as they did when they were younger because that’s what they’re familiar with.

For example: A girl who has a drunk and abusive father will most likely find herself being attracted to men who are drunkards until they learn to respect and prioritize their own needs and interests first. Until they can do this they will be doomed to find partners who drain them of their life and vitality. Do yourself and your ancestors a favor… break the generational patterns. Carl Jung believed that it was the role of the child to live out the unconsciousness of the parent. The child can either repeat the same patterns of the family, reproduce, and pass on those same patterns, or through suffering it can become conscious of those constricting patterns and break them.

What are some examples of codependency?

Low Self Esteem:

As a child you may have not had your efforts validated so in turn you can develop a poor sense of self. You need to be constantly reminded of your worth by your partner in order to feel good about yourself. Low self-esteem can take the form of the underachiever who believes he or she isn’t good enough to do anything and the overachiever. The one who hides and runs from his feelings of lackful worth by pouring himself into an image of perfection.

People-pleasing:

Because when you were younger you felt anxiety or tension when you didn’t meet the needs of your parent you seek to keep all situations calm and your partner satisfied so they don’t blow up. You compliment and keep them happy.

Poor Boundaries:

Because as a child you weren’t given your own space and freedom you don’t know exactly what your own needs are versus your partners. You never experienced solid boundaries for your thoughts emotions, body, and belongings. Because these things were all used by the parent whenever he/she wanted you feel it is right for you to do and take from them and for them to do and take from you.

Caretaking:

As a child you felt the desire to fix your parent to improve your reality. You repeat this same pattern now offering help at nearly any cost, even to the detriment of your own wellbeing because unconsciously fixing them means fixing your own reality. You may get hurt or offended when they don’t heed your advice because you think you know what’s best for them.

Dysfunctional Communication:

Codependents secretly have a hard time sharing what they truly want because as a child when they communicated their needs honestly they were met with contempt or disdain. It was an unnecessary chore for the parent to look after all the needs of the child.

Dependency:

Codependents need to have other people like them because they take t

he opinions of others so seriously. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned because their parent was anything but consistent in their care. For this reason the codependent usually stays in the same relationship even if it is destructive or unhealthy.

Codependency can be an incredibly hard pattern to break. When we try to break from this pattern we feel like we our losing a part of our selves because our sense of self had been conditioned by our illegitimate childhood and neglectful or needy parent.

Our identity was blended with our parent’s and so we naturally seek this unnatural connection with a partner in the future. But know that in order to embody who you really are you have to let go of the pattern. It’s OK to be scared and feel anxious. Know that it will pass and on the other side you will feel like a more complete and whole being. And the best part about this process is that once you release the pattern and break off the codependent relationship you yourself become more actualized and now you can attract a higher vibrational relationship that will match who you are now.

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