Veteran Disconnection

A lot of us feel cut off from life, estranged from society and even family members. In this video I’am going to explain some of the reasons why veterans feel this way but I will also share some solutions to any veterans feeling this way and how they can start feeling more connected to life and the world.

When I first got out of the Marine Corps I started going to college right away. I wasn’t really too sure what to do so I just did what I thought would be the next move. It didn’t take me too long to realize that I was really different from 90% of my college classmates. A majority of them were young and fresh out of high school. I saw other veterans on campus who had the digi packs and camo hats and big trucks but I no longer identified with my military identity. I just wanted to move on. So I dressed casual put my head down, and did my work. I’d talk with some kids but for the most part I kept to myself. During this time I struggled to find out why I felt so different. Here is the list that I came up with.

#1 Entitlement: With kids straight out of high school and many coming from middleclass families I noticed that many of them had a deep sense of entitlement.

The advertising industry thrives on the young population believing that they deserve everything and everything should be given. Virtually every slogan revolves around “YOU”. If you come from the military, especially the infantry, then you know that everything you get from chow to your pay, comes at a hard earned price paid with your blood, sweat, and tears. There are no free handouts and everything comes with a price. Even your compensation and pension benefits allotted by the VA have to be fought for after you get out. As if you didn’t earn them already.

#2 Core values: Being about the team versus being for yourself.

If you were a part of the military then you know the concept of teamwork and how integral your performance, communication, openness, and honesty are dependent upon group welfare. You look out for the person on your right and left and you know that their welfare is just as important as your own. Many of us who grown up in Western Society and who haven’t experienced a level of comradery surrounding life and death situations tend to stick to ourselves. There is a level of individuality that everyone else possesses that the veteran doesn’t. It’s actually hard getting used to being only responsible for yourself because veterans are trained and conditioned to look out for one another. It’s hard getting out and feeling like you don’t have your boys on each shoulder. Being constantly surrounded by your peers is commonplace for any veteran so when you leave the military and realize your very much on your own you can feel an extra sense of loneliness.

#3 Everyone else seems to be getting through life with relative ease yet everything for you seems to be very hard.

Depending on your experience in the military you have less emotional strength then many others. You may feel that you’re running on fumes because you were burnt out. If you are a combat veteran then I know you can really understand this.

#4 You find that people complain about a lot of things.

While in the military it was normal to complain and commiserate with your buddies because it gave you some sense of satisfaction when working late into the night or getting rained on while in the field. But now you’re out of the military and you’re not getting yelled at, rained on, or shot at so you feel like there isn’t anything to complain about. You have a roof over your head and your guaranteed warm food and a shower. What else is there to complain about. Yet it seems like everyone around you has everything they could possibly want yet they still find something to complain or bitch about. This gets annoying and a part of you resents them for this. And given the circumstances understandably so.

Solutions: So what are some ways that you can get over from feeling so isolated from the rest of the population?

#1 Recognize and accept that you’re different.

You’ve had a life altering experience that changed the way you perceive yourself and the world. Many of the people in your environment are ignorant of the reality that you faced. They’re not against you, they’re not your enemy. Just because they cannot completely understand your perspective doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Many of the times I found myself and other vets saying that people just don’t care and they’re just focused on themselves and their little worlds. Ignorance doesn’t mean they don’t care it just means that they haven’t experienced what you have. Share your story and speak up about your perspective in a nonjudgmental or accusatory way and you’d be surprised how many people will listen and show how much they do care.

#2 Talk to people about their stories.

Just because you’ve been to combat and experienced firsthand death and other life altering experience doesn’t mean that others haven’t. If you open your heart and mind and listen to other people’s stories you’ll find that everyone is fighting a war of some sort. Wars take all types of forms. Once I started opening up about my experiences and sharing them I found that people had some amazing stories where they faced everything from rape to incest to murder and other severe traumas. I talked with single mothers who had been abandoned by their husbands and left with nothing. Everyone is fighting their own type of war and we’re all in this thing called LIFE together. No one escapes suffering and trauma. When we come together and share our stories we find that we re all not that different. And this opens up a doorway for us to feel connected and healed.

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